8 trăsături ”toxice” de caracter

31 Mai

Recunosc, plătind tribut unor preocupări mai vechi (pentru tot ce ar însemna ”cultivarea caracterului” sau grija pentru o ”personalitate agreabilă”), citesc destul de multe articole de genul celui pe care am ținjut să-l postez, puțin scurtat, aici.

Nu spun că tot ce se scrie pe tema respectivă este neapărat foarte corect sau util, dar cred că multe dintre aceste analize ne pot ajuta să ne adaptăm în societatea de astăzi, mult mai complexă și mai exigentă față de individ, decât societatea în care au trăit bunicii noștri, de exemplu… Sigur, dacă am urma sfaturile bunicilor, crescuți sub semnul credinței în Dumnezeu, am ajunge, probabil, la aceleași rezultate.  Nu o dată m-am surpins comparând sfaturile de acest gen cu cele primite de la bunici și părinți, în copilărie. Cele din copilărie se remarcă prin profunzime (și afecțiunea cu care îmi erau ”servite”), cele ”adunate” din diverse alte surse sunt actualizate, adaptate la situații concrete… Deci, se nu se contrazic în vreun fel, ci se completează reciproc.

Iată articolul, în limba engleză, preluat de pe o pagină foarte populară de pe www.yahoo.com :

8 Toxic personalities to avoid

by Brett Blumenthal – Sheer Balance, on Wed May 13, 2009 8:01am PDT 1337 Comments

 Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn’t so. Personally, I’ve had moments where I’ll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I’ll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood. (…)

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your ‘buttons’ are, and push them to get what they want.

Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don’t necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them „It isn’t always about you.”

Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

3. Debbie Downers: These people can’t appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they’ll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people’s unique perspectives refreshing, they find them ‘wrong’. If you like someone’s eclectic taste, they find it ‘disturbing’ or ‘bad’.

Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can’t do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a ‘there, there’ type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

Why they are toxic: People who aren’t sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won’t be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don’t respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed. (…)

Sursa: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/8-toxic-personalities-to-avoid-461078/

N.B. Nu știu dacă aș fi de acord cu ideea de a evita persoanele cu aceste trăsături de caracter. Mai degrabă, articolul acesta ne poate ajuta să ne corectăm atutudinea și felul de a comunica, așa încât să nu devenim noi înșine… de evitat.

P.S. Și o legătură (la fel, opțională, ca și cele despre sănătate) 🙂  : niște recomandări pentru… fericire : http://www.realage.com/ct/tips/8755 sau: cum să înveți să placi pe cineva, în loc să-l detești: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/user-post-8-tips-for-liking-someone-better-or-disliking-that-person-less-471321/

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